Single Digits

It was so cold this morning (2º, to be exact) that I saw a politician walking across Boston Common with his hands in his own pockets.
Seriously, it’s friggin’ cold up here.
I’m not complaining, just stating a fact.

But what really frosts my junk are the people that feel a burning desire to remind me just how cold they are with their witty and unoriginal-as-shit banter.

“Cold enough for ya?”

Man, I love that one. Never hear it before either.
No, it’s not cold enough for me.
I love it when my testicles turn a bright navy blue, fall out of my scrotum and shatter on the ground like Christmas ornaments.
And I really love it when I can’t feel my face or my legs. That’s great.
I like it even more when I break off a key inside a padlock preventing me from opening the store where I work and then I freeze my everloving ass off waiting for the too busy locksmith to come and sawzall the goddamned locks so I can get in. (truth)

So, is it cold enough?
Damn it, dude, shut the hell up and go build an igloo. Step AWAY.
Yeah, it’s cold enough for me.
I lied.

The temperature dips into single digits and people just fill up with all kinds of stupid.
And yes, I can hear you.
Why don’t you and the wife move to Florida?

Idaho. Alaska.


16 thoughts on “Single Digits

  1. Whoa man. I was gonna make a comment about how cold it is here, but damn – that testicle shattering has me curled up in the fetal position due to the pain inflicted upon me.

    I am all about imagery and visualization, but DAMN, I am talking 2 octaves higher just reading that.

    Fetal position, eh?
    My post has achieved its ultimate purpose. 😉


  2. well i have to say michael, i almost have a-pop convinced it’s a good idea to have white christmas before too long, so let’s be hoping he doesn’t see this!!
    i don’t envy you in any way at all….7.42pm here and it’s still 82, so i feel for you if nothing else….and have visions of shattered bits and pieces….may have nightmares tonight!

    I want to hate you but I just can’t . . . 😉
    Catch some warm rays for me?


  3. “I love it when my testicles turn a bright navy blue, fall out of my scrotum and shatter on the ground like Christmas ornaments.”

    OMG. i am still laughing. seriously, is it cold enough for ya?

    what bunches my panties is when a pending storm is approaching, the stores empty out of milk and bread. honestly, whatthephuck are you going to make with milk and bread if you lose you ‘tricity? besides which, this country is so damned morbidly obese that if they had to go a day or two sans food…

    anyway, i am just thankful that my boy and i have a warm home {now complete with roof!}…so much so that we actually said a pre-dinner prayer last night for the homeless.

    humbly and gratefully,

    Heat can be a beautiful thang.
    So glad you’re both warm.


  4. That was hilarious! Our here where I live in a tiny village in eastern Quebec…I hear that often…”cold enough for ya?” Now I just know I’m going to laugh when somebody says it again!
    Days like this I’m so glad I’m not a man.

    I get royalties on the line, okay? :mrgreen:


  5. LOL M. I’m sorry sir, but 2 degrees F isn’t so bad here…… kinda normal actually. Wish you enjoyed winter more, but at least it isn’t as long where you are.

    *Passing the thermos of hot chocolate*


    What temp are you used to, Jenn?
    You must be one tough babe . . .


  6. i just had a thought…you have a furry item to be keeping nuts in!! maybe you should be using that????
    LMFAO…..sorry….couldn’t help it…going home now!!

    I like to call it my “little furry sack of wonder” :mrgreen:


  7. Temperature can be somewhat irrelevant if there is a wind, or you live in a damp climate, but typically, we see winter temps between 14 and -10 F. Every once in a while a chinnok comes through and we get close to or even just over the freezing mark. We all send the kids outside for hours on end when that happens! lol Also, every winter we get at least a few days of -31 to -40 F . That is when the school buses quite running and the kids get snow days. It hasn’t been that cold yet this year, but Jan has only just begun!

    As far as tough, it’s all in the way you dress. Our houses have great insulation and windows, and a winter coat here is probably much different than in Boston. I could send you a toque if you like, maybe some long johns? The toque gives terrible hat hair, but together with the long johns, will help keep you warm and protect those valuables you are so worried about! I had a good giggle at Mum’s suggestion to you! lol

    Take care M. Let me know if you want that toque!


    Have you seen my “hair”?
    I’ve been looking for it for sometime now . . .

    ~the bald and beautiful m


  8. So you’re a weather eunuch then? I believe there’s good money to made as a harem guard.

    Not up to “eunuch” status quite yet as it’s 52 degrees here today.
    I do thank you for the employment tip though, KN :mrgreen:


  9. LMFAO @ annie!!!!
    tea all over the monitor!
    not too many rays here at the moment ~m cos it’s raining, but still warm….still 84…

    Do you have a rubber sheath for your monitor? 😉


  10. Ummmm, excuse me, I live in Florida and we get enough of your rejects down here and we had a bumper crop already so don’t go encouraging any more bufoons to migrate thank you very much. Oh, and just so you’ll know, I’m still running the friggin’ A/C. We had like two days of winter and then its this damn comfortable weather again.

    Comfortable weather, eh?
    God, I so want to hate you, Mr. Oz . . .


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