A wee bit o’ the Irish Humour

“The Brothel”

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub drinking beer and
watching the brothel across the street.
They see a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one
of them says, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth
goin’ bad.”

Then they see a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other
Irishman said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see that the Jews
are fallin’ victim to temptation as well.”

Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and
one of the Irishmen says, “What a terrible pity …one of
the girls must be dying.”

“Irish Cemetery”

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home
from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road
which led past the old graveyard..

“Come have a look over here,” says Paddy, “It’s Michael
O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe
old age of 87.”

“That’s nothing,” says Sean, “here’s one named Patrick
O’Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died!”

Just then, Seamus yells out, “Good God, here’s a fella
that got to be 145!”

“What was his name?” asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match
to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims,

“Miles . . . from Dublin.”

“Irish Last Request”

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday
morning service, and she’s in tears.
He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”
She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. Me husband passed away last night.”
The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, did he
have any last requests?”
She says, “That he did, Father…”
The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”
She says, “He said, “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”

“Lent”

An Irishman moved into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry.
He walks into the local pub, orders three pints of Guinness takes them to a table and proceeds to drink them taking his time.
He repeats this two times and then leaves the pub.

A few nights later he returns to the pub, orders three pints of Guinness, takes them to a table and drinks them taking his time. He repeats this two times and leaves the pub. He continues this for several weeks.
Soon the entire town is talking about the “Three Pint Man.”

Finally, one day the pub owner on behalf of the entire town broaches the subject to the man. “I don’t mean to pry, but folks are quite curious why you order three pints each time you come in .”

The man replied, “I have two brothers – one in America and one in Australia. When we parted ways we all promised that each time we had a drink, we would order an extra two pints as a way of keeping up with each other.”

The pub owner and the entire town thought this was wonderful and were pleased that the brothers meant so much to each other. “The Three Pint Man” became a celebrity not only to the town but to the surrounding area.

One day the man came into the pub and orders only two pints of Guinness. The pub owner poured them with a heavy heart knowing in his soul that something dreadful must have happened. The news spreads around town and people are offering prays for the “Three Pint Man.”

This went on for a few weeks and the pub owner says to the man, “I want to offer our condolences due to death of your brother. We are all heart broken. You know the two pints and all.”

The man ponders this for a few minutes and replies, “You will be glad to hear that my brothers are alive and well. It’s just that I, meself, have decided to give up Guinness for Lent.”

“Vat O’ Guinness”

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ rather important to tell ye.”

“Of course you can come in. You’re always welcome here, Tim.” says Brenda. “But where’s me husband, Shamus?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ye, Lass. There’s been a simply tragic accident down at the Guinness brewery…”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is gone. I’m dreadfully sorry, Lass.”

Finally, Brenda looks up at Tim and tearfully asks, “Please tell me how it happened, Tim.”

“Aw, Lass, it was terrible. Poor Shamus fell into a vat o’ Guinness Stout and drowned.”

“Oh my Sweet Jesus! But please tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, no, Lass… not exactly.”

“No?”

“No, fact is, he got out three times to visit the men’s room.”

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, folks!

And a tip o’ the hat to this Lass
For tomorrow is her birthday (39! . . . same age for the past five years!)
Breithlá sona duit!

~m

 

Blogiversary II

It was on February 22, 2005 that I first posted this.
It was read many times but never received a comment but it was my first tentative step into the whacky and obsessive world of blogging.
I like to think that people that visit here are appreciated and today is no exception.
I can’t imagine how drab my life would have been had it not been for my blog.
I love the writing, posting, editing, changing of templates (And Moe rolls her eyes {grin}), maipulating of widgets, uploading of custom banners; I love all of it.
But none of it would be worth anything if it weren’t for you.
Yeah, you.
The person reading this post right now.
That’s right. . . you.
I thank you from the bottom of my almost empty Guinness glass (the bottom of my heart seems a bit shallow right now).
You make me smile, think, laugh and obsessively look forward to this crazy hobby called blogging.
I pray you’ll stick around because I feel the best is yet to be.
A special thank you to the woman that allows me the time to be creative, my wife.
Blogging takes time. And she gives me all the time I need. That’s love.
I’ve put together a slide show of all the different artwork that has graced these pages over the past year or so.
It’s fairly short but fairly hip.
Click on my Blogiversary cake above and enjoy the show.
To all of you still reading, thank you.

~Michael

ps. it’s already the 22nd downunder, hence the early post =0)

Catdreams

A pic of a deeply sleeping Guinness before I join him.
I plan on buying a decent digital camera with this year’s tax refund so I can
keep those of you interested in the growth of our little tiger up to date.
To see his marbled coat change should be a real treat.
We learned the other day that Bengals have unusually large paws.
Found out that Guinness has frickin’ baseball gloves.
A bit odd in proportion to his body.
He’ll grow into them no doubt.
Bought a laser light for the cats today.
Damn, it’s funny to watch them chase it.
They exercise, I laugh. Good stuff.
Long day, folks.
And I’m tired of thinking…
Night all.

~m

ps. Happy Birthday, J.M.M (17)
(luvya, Dad)

Guinness

As promised, several pictures of Guinness, our bengal.

No pic series would be complete without at least one brew.

A nice pic of his marbled coat which will ‘stretch’ as he gets older.

Guinness doing his best ‘Kilroy was here’ impression.

My little boy…

So far, so good.
A bit of hissing between the three of them but that’s to be expected.
The quality of the pictures is so-so.
Maybe it’s time for a new digital camera…

~m

Little Tiger

Guinness

What started off as a StumbleUpon hit turned into the real deal yesterday.
My wife sent me a link several weeks ago regarding bengal cats, a link she found surfing around with StumbleUpon.
Here’s a short blip from Wikipedia:
The Bengal cat is a relatively new breed of domestic housecat (Felis silvestris catus) developed to have a gentle and friendly temperament, while exhibiting the markings (such as spots, rosettes, and a light/white belly), and body structure reminiscent of the wild Asian Leopard cat (Prionailurus bengalensis). In other words, a Bengal cat has a desirable ‘wild’ appearance with a gentle domestic cat temperament.

The little guy we got yesterday is a marbled bengal. His body appears mainly black with some light tan streaks in between. As he grows older and his body grows longer the ‘marbling’ stretches offering up a look that’s wild and exotic.
After tossing around a gazillion names my wife said, “How about Guinness?” (ironically, I was cracking one open at the time) The name stuck and we now have a new addition to the family.
The girls are head over heels with this little tiger and suffice to say he’s not feeling the least bit lonely. The pic above isn’t our Guinness but looks eerily similar. I plan on posting actual pictures as soon as he’s comfortable in his new home. (below is a full grown marbled bengal. God, they’re cool)
So, Welcome to fam, Guinness!
You’re Grrrrrrrreat!

fullgrown bengal

~m