Back Seat

I tried to write some “flash fiction” on the train today while limiting myself to less than 200 words but still telling a tidbit of a story story. {alright, actual count 202}
I’m posting it but still not sure if I actually like it.
You be the judge.
At any rate, it did make me write.
And sorry, it doesn’t end well.

Fingers of moonlight caressed the deserted roof parking lot as she hurried to her car, the clip-clop of her stiletto heels blending seamlessly with the hum of the city below.
She’d stayed late, perhaps too late; a vain attempt to alter her nightly routine.
He was mean and jealous these days and she had the cigarette burns and bruises
to prove it.
After he first saw her dance, he immediately called her over.

I want you, was all he said.
He always got what he wanted.

She fumbled with her keys, hands shaking and out of breath, the tip-off call to the police still fresh on her mind.
He would be looking for her soon . . .

Once inside the safety of her car she pushed the ‘lock‘ button and let out a brief sigh of relief.
Turning the key she heard the incessant whirr of an engine that would never start.

God damn it, she thought, what the fuck do I do now?

The last thing she heard was the metallic click of a Zippo lighter from the back seat.
And people on the street looked up . . . listening to the steady sound of some distant car horn.


14 thoughts on “Back Seat

  1. Oooh. I wonder how it ends ..
    Any reason for the name on the Zippo?

    I’ll leave that up to your little twisted mind . . . 😉


  2. damn, i wish i could do this with 202 words!!! i’d struggle to do this with 2002 of them!
    well done….

    Try it sometime. You might just surprise yourself.


  3. Cool! Have you thought about adding to it now? Or are you finished with it?

    From where I’m standing the girl has gone to her maker.
    It is done.


  4. ooh, tip off? that bitch had it comin….that’s straight up gangsta!! LOL 😉

    Gangsta? Love it. That’s a first for me. 😆


  5. I’ve always thought that the best art leaves you with more questions than before you read/saw/listened to it.
    I have quite a few questions now but they would take up more than 200 words and that is against the rules isn’t it?!

    Have a great day Michael
    Cheers ,Kelly

    Tanks, Kel
    Really nice to see a comment from you.
    Hoping all is well downunder


  6. Ooooh, you dastardly story weaver! Have you ever checked out a book called something like Short Stories in 50 words or less? It’s fascinating how one can write a whole story in one or two sentences. This was a really good one.

    I’ll keep that one in mind the next time I’m in Borders


  7. Oh, dear. You’re right, that didn’t end well, did it? At least not for her. Well, there goes your PG rating.

    Very well done. You sure got a lot of mileage out of 200 words.

    Perhaps the sequel could be called “Rat’s Breakfast”.


    I hear that rats love to eat soft facial tissue. Ewwww….


  8. Oooh creepy. I like it. Got the whole 360 degree view.

    One small point – stillettos wouldn’t clip clop – they’d click against the pavement. Sorry, it’s a girl thang.

    Ooops! I’ll file that in “things to remember when writing about women”
    Thanks, Annie


  9. Absolutely great! Short and to the point. Adding on to it would ruin it.

    I think adding wouldn’t work either, Matty
    And it would screw up the word count to boot


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