Cleaning House


“Hey, Dave, what’s up with that healthy glow? What happened to your good old pasty, cadaver-like complexion?”

{Dave laughs}

“Oh, Bill. I had a nice and relaxing visit at the Clean as a Whistle Colonics Spa this weekend and man, I feel grrrrreat!”


In the not too distant future this could conceivably be a normal conversation at the office water cooler . . . or not.
I know, you’re wondering where the hell I’m going with this right?

Now and then I see an article in the paper that sends my “Pinch me, I must be dreaming” meter into orbit.
Yesterday, an article in the Metro on colonics sent me to Pluto.
Now I’m back to give you a report.

Colonics; the infusion of water into the rectum by a colon therapist to cleanse and flush out the colon

They better damn well use the Evian with me. {sniff, sniff}
In fact, make it a double.

It’s essentially an expensive enema for folks with nothing better to do with their money than, well, shove it up their bum.
I’m sure it has substantial health benefits and all that stuff but come on.
How far can something like this really go?
I get my prostate checked once a year and I still feel dirty 6 months later so from a psychological standpoint what in God’s name would one of these treatments do to me?
I’d have to sign up for rectal therapy.

Anyway, it just struck me as an interesting service but how the hell could you promote it without laughing?

Maybe I’m ahead of the curve here but I’ve come up with a few choice names for establishments offering this procedure.
In a span of 20 minutes I came up with over twenty names (which was half the fun).
Here are a few names I really liked:


  • Roto-Colon, Inc.
  • Gee, my ass smells terrific
  • Coffee, Tea or Champagne enema?
  • Colon Blow Ranch {courtesy of SNL}
  • The Lush Flush Salon
  • G.I. Tract Joe’s
  • Colon Bowlin’ Cleaning Service
  • Tush Pushers Day Spa
  • Backdoor Genie
  • Tiny Bubbles
  • Hose Monster {free tattoo with 3 irrigation sessions!}


Feel free to leave me a name or two.
Once you get started, the names just kinda flow . . . like water


For those wondering why I’m posting less frequently, I spend most warm summer nights out on the deck with a cigar and my favorite brew taking me away from the computer.
I truly live for this time of the year.






8 thoughts on “Cleaning House

  1. oh dear! 😆
    noone is getting anywhere near my poor little behind with anything like a hose i can assure you! it’s designed for exit not entry..really gives a champagne and caviar existence a whole new meaning doesn’t it?? 😯
    as for the names, well i didn’t come up with a lot, but i do wonder what the blurb would be when they have a special on?
    a fogof promotion? flush one get one free?
    what makes a person get up one morning and think “gee, i could make money out of flushing peoples colons”?? makes me wonder where there mind was to start with…scary thought!

    Maybe a “Ladies Night” would work. Oy.


  2. I’ve read up about the whole coffee enema thing. Apparently it was quite popular for awhile. Honestly I could not think of a worse use for coffee…what a waste! Lovin your names by the way. How about “Outback Cleaners” or “Pipecleaners”
    It’s too early in the morning for this kinda really is!
    As for spending your time on the deck rather than on the computer? GOOD STUFF! I don’t feel so bad about not being round as much when you guys are all posting less. Also means you are enjoying life….and thats always a good thing.
    Cheers, Kelly

    A coffee enema? Hmmm . . . I wonder if they’d use “Chock Full of Nuts”?
    It is a heavenly coffee.
    I do like Outback Cleaners. Nice little Aussie touch. 😉


  3. I proudly announce the grand opening of The Bunghole Blow & Buff.
    Where our motto is, ‘ Bring that nasty ass and leave with a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and a bunghole that glows in the dark.’
    Specializing in colon cleaning, anal bleaching, and Brazilian waxing. Your one stop bunghole professionals.

    Your one stop bunghole professionals.
    I love it.
    Pure Evyl.


  4. Absolutely hilarious! Laughing my ass off!
    Tu hermano…

    Well, if you’re laughing it off I hope it’s at least clean!


  5. How about “Butts R Us” They could have that nasty sign in their office from my earlier post on assholes. “So, you thought you worked w/ assholes?”

    Butts R Us sounds pretty good.
    I came up with Colonics R Us but I like yours better.
    How about “Mister Vortex”?


  6. The sad part is after reading your blog on this, we stopped by the local Wal-Mart to grab some groceries. There’s a chiropractor on the end of the shopping center who does not only chiropractics, but colonic therapy, hearing aids & therapy, massage therapy, acupuncture, hair removal, and physical therapy.
    How about a few names for that place?!

    Let me work on it, dude. 😉
    Thanks for the comment.


  7. oh my GOD! i remember Phil Hartman doing the parody on SNL, how funny!

    The 112 grams of fiber per bowl still kills me. 😆


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