Pearls of Wisdom

I love Dave Barry.
This is a list of 14 things that took him 50 years to learn.
Hysterical.

~m

  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
  • There is a very fine line between hobby and “mental illness.”
  • People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  • You should not confuse your career with your life.
  • Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
  • Never lick a steak knife.
  • The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
  • You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  • There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
  • The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
  • A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
  • Your friends love you anyway.

ps.
thanks to all you folks that have checked out “Cats that look like Hitler
You’re making my blog stats go crazy! I love that!

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10 thoughts on “Pearls of Wisdom

  1. What a great list. I especially love the first one (for obvious reasons – and yes, I have actually done this) and the last one. Those two strike me as the purest of truths.
    WC

    Really? Wow.
    I’m happy you owned up to it here. 😉
    ~m

    Like

  2. I dance in the aisles at the grocery. BabyDoll haaaates it too!

    Kids can’t stand that kind of stuff.
    Especially if a few of their friends are around.
    ~m

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  3. Most very true but for me; I do not want my husband to dance – it’s worse than Elaine from Seinfeld. 🙂

    rotflmao.
    Very funny comment Bella . . .
    ~m

    Like

  4. i’m crying here i’m laughing that much…my personal favourite is the second one…having been a manager for many years i see soooooo much truth in it….they’re all true, but that one’s deadly 😆

    I thought #2 was pretty good as well.
    Check out some Dave Barry sometime.
    He’s a wonderful writer. You’d love him.
    ~m

    Like

  5. You mean people don’t want to spend money on me once a year to celebrate what is, to them, essentially the same as any other day?
    Geez. No wonder no one calls me any more.

    Calls you what? 😉
    ~m

    Like

  6. Damn, I love a man that makes me laugh! 😉 That goes for both you and Mr. Barry.
    Looks like I’m back on the web. Your site is looking dramatic… I’m diggin’ it.
    – <i> the scribe</i>

    Tanks, MS
    Cool that you’re back. I’ll be by…
    ~m

    Like

  7. LMFAO too funny! I particularly like the one about not being nice to waiters…very profound and oh so true
    Cheers, Kelly

    Dave Barry is a classic.
    The waiter quip was right on the money.
    ~m

    Like

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