Shampoo

I had to laugh this morning when I counted @14 bottles of hair products littering the shower stall.
There’s Luminouscolor glaze, Berry Tea & Orange flower conditioner, coconut conditioner, Aussie 3 minute miracle, brightening shampoo (huh?) and we even have some stuff called Ana Banana shampoo/ conditioner.
The list goes on but I’ll stop there.
And this doesn’t even include all the mousses, gels, sprays and numerous detanglers in the bathroom closet; this is stuff I will never use.
btw- What the hell is a root lifter and would I really want to put that shit on my head? Sounds to me like a useless and possibly detrimental genetic consequence.
I have no hair whatsoever and it makes me laugh.
Hysterically.
Maybe I will never understand the hair thing with women.
They’re never happy.
Evvvver.
Even after spending more than a weeks worth of groceries on a haircut from a guy whose name I can’t pronounce, they look in the mirror and sigh, “Oh, I just don’t know.
What do you think?”
My wife gives me the ‘one of these days, I will kill you’ stare when I stupidly reply,
“Oh, you got your haircut?”
Maybe as a man I’m not supposed to understand all the hardware either with blowdryers, straighteners, bobby pins, brightly colored hairclips and blowdrying brushes that look more like martial arts weapons than implements used to curl and dry the locks.
Get that stuff away from me.
I need two things in the shower: a bar of soap and a razor.
None of this strawberry/kiwi/mango body wash crap.
I’m a guy, not a freekin’ fruit salad.
Anymore than that and I’ll just get confused anyway.
Bald is beautiful, man.
Or maybe I’m just too damn stupid to have hair in the first place . . .

~m

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16 thoughts on “Shampoo

  1. take heart…i use soap and shampoo…that’s it…i will admit to having maybe 3 types of shampoo to choose from but that’s as far as it goes…you can keep the rest of it…i can’t handle fruit shampoos..i’m with you…i’m not, and have no desire to be, a bloody fruit salad! and i can assure you, if i didn’t have to work, the first thing i would do is shave my head…my hair is THE bane of my existence…all it does is waste my time….


    “bane of my existence”
    Sums it up quite nicely, Moe. 😎
    ~m

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  2. I got my hair cut and now my brother calls me little bro – so i guess i can follow your “theres a difference?” stance… And im not talking shoulder length… i mean seriously its shorter than his so now i dont even have to brush it… I had planned to shave my head for cancer – however school threatened to kick me out (hsc year… really couldnt risk it)
    14 is a record – you should be either proud, or just really disgusted.
    Too stupid to have hair? But paris hilton has hair? Either your theory is wrong… or you are not more intelligent than paris: take your pick i say.


    “Too stupid to have hair? But paris hilton has hair?”
    Brilliant, Sarahhh. . . or is it ‘little bro’ (I’m just kidding!)
    Yes, it seems my theory has some major flaws.
    ~m

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  3. btw for not making it clear before… I am a girl and my hair used to be past my shoulders
    *less intelligent
    – damn maybe i should go bald.

    lol
    Thanks for the early morning smile
    ~m

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  4. At one point I was using chocolate body wash, strawberry shampoo and wildberry conditioner. I came out of the shower smelling like a new mcdonald sundae flavor!
    Kelly

    You’d be quite popular around this house.
    ~m

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  5. Hey!!! !This is what happens when you share a bathroom with 4 females. Everyone likes something different. It’s the fashion magazines that are in this house.They promote different products and each one promises to make you more shiny with more volume, more lift etc..(I am talking about hair )It is quite ridiculous when you think about it.Sarah even did a science project one year comparing generic brands vs. the “real” stuff. I hate to say it-not much difference. It’s all in the packaging.


    Thank God Opus doesn’t do her hair.
    We’d spend a small fortune in de-tangler.
    I’m still waiting for an explanation on the root lifter. You wouldn’t use that on me, would you? 😉
    ~m

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  6. Michael,
    To a woman, her hair is her shining glory. They say a woman needs 3 things to make her day! A good haircut, new shoes and a new purse! No, they didn’t say a man.
    We torture ourselves with the straighteners, de-frizzers, blowdryers, etc..just to look good for our men. I don’t know why we bother, half of them don’t notice.
    Even at the long-term where I go thrice a week, when the 80 or 90 yr old ladies get their hair and nails done…they feel good about themselves. Just say,,,”Oh, you look mahvelous”, and see their eyes light up and they blush with pleasure. A woman wants to look good at any age.
    Yes, bald is beautiful……on certain men!

    “Just say,,,”Oh, you look mahvelous”, and see their eyes light up and they blush with pleasure.”
    I love the fact that my female readers are so damn intelligent and thoughtful.
    If it makes you feel good about yourself, do it.
    Good advice, Matty.
    ~m

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  7. Yes, picking out flaws in theories is what i do best. Funnily enough – when i thought “dumbest person alive” i thought Paris Hilton? That even made me smile. Maybe if you used shampoo it would make your skin smell nice? LOL. no idea… nice post tho. adios.

    Adios. Thanks for stopping by.
    ~m

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  8. I’m a freak for hair products too. I have root lifter too and use it daily. It’s a chick thing, there’s no explanation. But it is hilarious to read your commentary on things!!!

    You’d fit in well around here.
    ~m

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  9. I don’t bother with all of that crap. Give me a bottle of 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner, and I’m happy. In sharp contrast, my female relatives literally spend hours pimping themselves up only to look virtually the same as they did when they went into the bathroom. Go figure.

    Definitely go figure.
    And the hours spent pimping I will never understand. Ever…
    ~m

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  10. First off, yes, I absolutely agree that bald is beautiful. And incredibly sexy.
    And I have one bottle of shampoo in my shower :]

    I’m proud of ya, Red.
    You go girl.
    ~m

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  11. Maybe we figure if we smell sweet enough to eat……..LOL
    Regardless, women spend way too much money on their hair
    to disregard what we use to clean, condition, and shampoo it.
    It usually is at least 100 bucks to do this mane of mine, so trust me
    product matters. It matters….kim


    I see your point, Kim. I do.
    I really do . . . over and over and over again… {grinning}
    ~m

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  12. Jeez-louise, Mikey – that pic! LMAO!
    I can imagine just one man living with four women has got to be strange – add to that all the hair goop, accessories and hardware and it must be positively disorienting. But you’re holding up well, my friend. 😉
    WC

    I loved the picture too.
    I’m always amazed at the pics you find. Glad you liked this one.
    And yeah, the amount of hair products in this house scares the crap out of me.
    If you mix this product and that, what the hell happens?
    Maybe we should ask someone at Al Qaida . . .
    ~m

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  13. As a bald man, I identify. But having lots of hair products around can keep the pubes silky soft.

    You’ve no idea how long I laughed at this comment.
    Thanks, Evyl.
    As always, you’re the f’n nads.
    ~m

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  14. If any of this stuff women use on their hair actually worked, there would not be a beauty industry. NONE OF IT WORKS! No wonder they are disappointed on a daily basis with their hair. Their quest for the perfect hair will enable this industry until the end of time.


    Ever brilliant observation, Snot.
    ~m

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  15. It’s a basic animal instinct really. The use of smell good products is just our way of marking our territory: on our clothes, on our homes, and our men. See, if you go into work smelling of cucumbers and avocados, they know you have a woman at home. At least we use perfumes and lotions, and stuff though, men mark their territory by peeing all over everything. Well, actually they pee all over everything except their women. So I guess if she takes off, he figures at least he’ll have the house and the yard around it because that all smells like his urine. Oh giggle. Too funny to think about really. anabel

    This was a ‘National Geographic’ kinda comment.
    Entertaining and a lesson in one.
    Cool.
    We don’t pee over everything . . . do we? 😉
    ~m

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