Beefcake

I go to a particular place for lunch several times a week.
While I’m not on a first name basis with the manager, he feels he knows me well enough to chat me up sometimes.

The other day he said, “Hey, you’re a good looking married guy judging from the wedding ring on your finger. You have a lot of women hittin’ on ya?”

I turned around to see who he was talking to when I realized he was talking to me.

He said, “I’ll tell ya man, this wedding ring is a freekin’ babe magnet! They won’t leave me alone! How about you?”

What you need to understand is this guy is somewhat geeky and has roughly 60lbs. on me, never mind the fact that he dresses like a slob with flecks of todays’ special all over his shirt.
Nice.
He’s what you would call ‘a tad rough around the edges’.

Now, I’m no slave to fashion but I usually wear a nice ironed Polo shirt, khakis and a Harris Tweed suit coat, I’m not Rockefeller mind you but I look decent enough.
Never have I ever been ‘hit on’ like this guy.

In my mind, I gave a perfunctory whiff of my underarms and general body aroma (I say ‘aroma’ because I usually smell like whatever cologne I’m wearing that day. Truth be told, I had a flamboyantly gay customer tell me one day that I smelled ‘delicious’. Now if that’s not a compliment, I don’t know what is. I was wearing Paul Sebastian cologne) and there was nothing negative in terms of overall fragrance, albeit a hint of cigar smoke.
I aromatically ripen after five o’clock.

 

“No.” I said, “No hits today.”

“Man,” he said, “I’ve had like three women asking around today! Three!

”They must love you for your massive Columbo, “ I laughed, nodding in the direction of the frozen yogurt machine.

“Oh, yeah man!” he said, chuckling as I walked away with my lunch.

My pheromones must be on sabbatical or something.
All I seem to attract are guys that think I smell delicious, squirrels that want me solely for my food and bible toting assclowns that want to talk to me about Jesus.
Maybe it’s time for some new cologne.
I’ll have to ask my buddy in the Food Court what he wears because I hear the women are all over him like graffiti on an abandoned freight train.

~m

 

ps.
My wife selected the picture.
I was emotionally torn between pics of Jack Palance and Harry Dean Stanton

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14 thoughts on “Beefcake

  1. Try talking with an accent – or wear a uniform (military, police, fireman) HA! HA! HA! HA! Or wait a gol- darn second here – YOU’RE MARRIED! WTF? Behave yourself!

    Oh, my God! You’re right! 😉
    This post was mainly about receiving the occasional salve for the ego. Does wonders for an old guy, ya know?
    I do like the policeman angle…. YMCA!
    ~m

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  2. Maaaybe .. the women folk are too afraid to come up to you, because say .. you’re too good lookin. They’re afraid to approach you. Rejection, ya know. Yep, that’s it I think. Plus, the wedding band is a turn off of sorts :]

    Too good lookin’?
    Nah. I mean, I’m a far cry from Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio.
    And I hear the wedding band has the opposite effect on some females.
    Que sera, sera . . .
    ~m

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  3. I’d lean towards Red’s theory. i know that’s MY problem – I have the men scared stiff. 😉
    No, seriously, it could possibly be too much of the smelly stuff. Just how close to you was the guy who said you smelled delicious? I don’t care to smell a man at all unless I’m hugging-close to him.

    I use my cologne judiciously.
    I can’t stand guys that are swimming in the stuff.
    Maybe one particular day I was a bit heavy handed.
    Scare men stiff?
    Better than scaring them limp, I guess. 😉
    ~m

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  4. Wow, that’s a great pic of you, Mikey. 😉
    I have a sense that this guy you talked to probably thinks when a woman asks where the ladies room is, that she is coming onto him. Or there are a lot of ugly chicks who find him appealing? Naw!!!
    WC

    You may be right about women asking where the rest room is. (LOL)
    I’ve no doubt that the women coming onto him would probably make me gag.
    As far as the picture goes, I hate when they Photoshop someone’s head onto my body without permission.
    Sheesh…
    ~m

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  5. Oh dear, you’ve got me crying again..I’m sure he was hitting on you….that was really funny! Shouldn’t you worry when you’re getting hit on by a slob? A geeky fat slob? Bet your wife got a kick out of that one! It’s flattering when the women hit on you,,,,,,but the men? Must be the cologne…go buy something that’s disgusting!
    Personally, I think you’ve got the ‘bald thing’ goin for ya! Bald is ‘tres in’ this year. Run for your life………..er….wife! haha!

    No, he definitely wasn’t hitting on me.
    I would have bitch-slapped him if he was.
    Don’t think he smelled my cologne either.
    Thank God for life’s little favors.
    And yes, I totally have the bald thing going on.
    And I love it!
    ~m

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  6. don’t worry, dear. we all know you’re the studmuffin in the group. well…you and evyl.
    sarah


    Aw, Sas… studmuffin?
    I love it.
    And to associate me with Evyl is another unexpected and utterly delightful comment.
    Tanks…
    ~m

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  7. LMFAO @ sarah…stud muffin!!!…i haven’t heard that expression in a 100 years….personally i would have gone for “love chunks” but stud muffin will suffice 😆

    Love Chunks?!?
    Please ladies, stick with studmuffin!
    ~m

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  8. By the way, Michael, I would have preferred Jack Palance or Mel Gibson. Real men! Today you don’t know if it’s the real thing. Where’s da beef??


    Can no longer find the beef. Bummer.
    {{{{sad}}}}
    Jack Palance? Yikes!!!!!!
    ~m

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  9. I agree with WC, the man you were talking with probably wasn’t being hit on by anyone at all. Maybe “Where’s the bathroom?” or “Are you in line?” were big moments in his life because it was the closest thing to flirtatious banter he encountered on a somewhat daily basis. I’m sure he’s happy, but completely clueless. 😛
    As for the wedding band, it might put a stop to the flirting, but it stays someone values you much more than any casual flirt will ever value any of the men she toys with. Someone thinks you’re so special she said “I do” to spending the rest of her life with only you, which seems like a much bigger ego boost than a stranger thinking your worth a quick eyelash bat. Don’t let a lack of attention hurt your ego; your ring says you’ve already got the girl, which is pretty cool. 🙂
    ~Kelsey

    Yes, I do have the girl, don’t I? 😉
    Actually, I feel like I sometimes have a harem.
    ~m

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  10. that’s a nice pic! your wife has good taste 😉 seriously though, you shouldn’t worry about not getting hit on, your married. your not supposed to get hit on!! LOL


    I know, I know … {shaking head}
    ~m

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  11. Between the ages of 18 & 21, I never had any guys my age hit on me. They were all over 50, about 4-6″ shorter than me, pot bellied and bald. (not that there’s anything wrong with that) Oh, and about half of them wore wedding rings. Creeps.
    Kudos to your wife on her taste in men. 😉

    Pamela says “thank you”…
    ~m

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