Love Letter

It was a cold, snowy day in late February of ’86 when I first left her bound for a two month club gig in Bermuda. The money would be good for us and I could logistically do the gig since we’d yet to have any children.
I was leaving her with a big old house, two cats and a promise that I’d be waiting on the tarmac when she touched down on Easter Sunday.

It was to be the first time I’d ever been away from her for longer than a night or two.
And I wasn’t worried about my Fender Rhodes or any of my equipment, the flight or the gig—I was wondering how the hell I was going to walk out the door.

It wasn’t a ‘By the time I get to Phoenix’ kind of thing but it was the middle of winter and it was snowing and there I stood trying desperately to say goodbye to a crying wife.
She’d been battling a cold as well which did nothing to lighten her spirits.

I felt awful.
I was crumbling at the realization of a vulnerability I’d never known before that moment. My ride pulled up and it was time to go.

I held her close while she sobbed against my chest and decided to close my eyes if only to remember the mere scent of her, the sheer essence of memory, possibly to stop my own tears.
I climbed into the van and saw her in the window holding one of our cats, my temporary replacement.
The snow was falling at a clip that made the moment seem surreal, postcard-like, and silent.
She waved and I waved back as we took off headed for Logan Airport and the short flight to Bermuda.

I was never one to write love letters but I found myself missing her so badly after one week that I needed to do something.
I was so lost on this beautiful island because I had no one to share it with and that little nugget of information nearly drove me insane.
I had to tell her somehow, someway that I loved her.
Unfortunately, a telephone call took forever and cost a small fortune so it only seemed logical that I write her letters, several of which she’s saved.
They’re sappy and sentimental but I’m hoping they meant something just a bit deeper.

I still remember my first phone call to her.
I was nervous!
I found that hysterical in retrospect.
Married for three years and I’m nervous.
What the hell was up with that?

Hearing her voice thousands of miles away was a deeply moving experience for me, a prayer answered.
Just the sound of it brought me home.
I’ve tried to find one of my letters to her but have come up empty handed.
I will tell you many made her cry but I know in my heart they were happy tears.
Should I find one in the future I promise to revisit this post.

I did find a St. Patrick’s card she sent that year that said:

Without you on St. Patrick’s Day…
My eyes have nothing to smile about.
I miss you!

And God, how badly I missed her.
Time has an interesting way of draping a gossamer curtain over emotional waves of the past almost making us forget the intensity of those moments and how much they re-arranged our insides…I did say almost.

Pamela,

You are the heart, soul and warmth in my life.
I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you in it.
I love you now as I did on the tarmac so many, many years ago.
You are my own angel of mercy…stay with me.
Happy Valentine’s Day,
You are mine. . .

~m

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Love Letter

  1. it warms my heart to see things such as this…gives me a lot more faith in people than i ordinarily have, and makes me smile for days
    🙂

    Glad I could help with the smiles…
    ~m

    Like

  2. I can’t think of that day when you left without getting teary.After all these years, it still bothers me. I do love Bermuda and the reunion was grand.That part was the best! Happy Valentine’s Day! xxoo

    The reunion was the best.
    It was raining that day and I was happier than I’ve ever been.
    Go figure.
    ~m

    Like

  3. Happy Day! Hope you’re able to stay home, snuggle close, and watch it snow, together!

    Right now, it’s all sleet and freezing rain. Snow is possible later on.
    It’s a laid back and easy kind of day.
    Just what I like.
    ~m

    Like

  4. Happy Valentine’s day to both (all) of you! I know for a fact that you are the kind of couple that inspire others…..

    I sometimes wonder about the inspiration angle. It would be nice.
    This November will be 24 years.
    And they said it wouldn’t last…
    ~m

    Like

  5. Sometimes it takes a separation of some kind to make us truly appreciate what we have. If we’re lucky, that separation is only temporary, and becomes a positive thing, a wake up call, as it were. Sometimes the separation is permanent, and the lesson learned is learned to late to make a difference.

    It is so easy to take for granted the people who are in our lives every day. I know that I am guilty of this. We should treat them the way we know we would if we knew it would be our last day ever with them.

    –Smith

    Sound advice.
    Thanks, Smith…
    ~m

    Like

  6. I can’t imagine being away from my husband for that long. We’ll be married 17 years this Spring. In some ways it doesn’t seem like such a long time. Wishing you and Pam many romantic Valentine’s Days.

    Thanks, Deb.
    17 years in this day and age is a milestone. Congrats!
    ~m

    Like

  7. Every relationship needs a re-evaluation from time to time, like an I’m grateful for this and that about you, what I love about you is this, not just as a reminder to ourselves but to the ones we love as well, they need to hear that they are loved and needed. It’s awesome that you wrote this for your Pam. Hope your V-Day was the best. -Kim

    Thanks, Kim.
    I know it comes off as a bit fruity but I never want to lose this little special aspect of our lives.
    She enjoys almost anything I create for her (with the exception of a train-wreck of a Turkey Tettrazini 15 years ago)
    ~m

    Like

  8. Awww, Michael, you are the sweetest!! You and Pam are very blessed to have found each other. I know you both love each other very much, which is something to treasure. Your girls are, also, very lucky (I don’t think lucky is the right word), to have parents as in love as you are. You truly love each other, which is rare. 24 years this year? I never said it wouldn’t last! Mr. and Mrs. Murphy, you rock!!!


    I think ‘blessed’ is the key word here.
    Thanks, Lynn.
    ~m

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s