Brain Funk

I’ve entered into what I’ve come to call my February Funk, a time when nothing creative seems to happen in my life.
The world around me is mysteriously frozen in time
both literally as well as figuratively; a soul sucking period of time
I just pray I get through.

How do I write through this?

I ask myself this question on an almost daily basis.

I have nothing to say but the repetitive writing motions must somehow stay the same.
Insane, right?

I look at what’s happening in the world for inspiration or at the very least an idea or three.
Let’s see, Anna Nicole Smith died (a real frickin’ surprise for a woman that was just one bag of crazy anyway),
the Celtics lost their 16th game in a row (another surprise, God they suck),
Mike Tyson is going back into rehab…a redundancy capable of making me nauseous, another chopper goes down in Iraq and now I’m primed for writing, right?
Not!

Give me copious amounts of liquid Dilantin via IV tube… reduce my electrical conductance amongst my brain cells, please.

My life feels like a lesson in futility and repetition.

But Groundhog’s Day was almost a week ago and I’m desperately seeking my shadow because the thought of hibernation just isn’t an option.

So here I am on a 5:30 local train (making all the stops) that I swore I’d never take again. I’m writing right now for God only knows what kind of lame brained reason.

Can perseverance actually feel like stupidity?

My internal censor has already given me a big ‘thumbs up’ to that query.

My writing days will cease the day I find myself creating what I consider to be nothing short of chicken scratch.

That worries me because I wonder if I’m doing that now?

Put down the pen and just walk away.

Could I do it?
Or would I live out the rest of my days as an impoverished and incomplete artist that just didn’t travel the road quite far enough?

My words presently feel as predictable as the names of the numerous train stops I’ve committed to my long term memory.

Yesterday I said to my wife, “If I could stop the world, I’d gladly get off…”(my own utopian and totally unreasonable method of escape)

But in the ageless words of Robert Frost—I have promises to keep.

As simple or as complicated as that sounds, the pure sentiment keeps me writing, my two feet firmly on the ground and my eyes forever on the stars above.

There’s one up there shining for me.

I just know it.

 

~m

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Brain Funk

  1. i feel like i’ve just been taken on a journey reading this..is that not what a writer is meant to do when someone reads?
    and make no mistake, i can relate to the whole stop the world i want to get off…i’ve been fighting it for some time, albeit for different reasons…

    And this writing thing IS a journey in so many ways.
    It’s wonderful and frightening, sentimental and maddening…
    So many words, so many emotions, endless like the tides. And I love it.
    It’s all about the journey.
    You get it, Moe…
    Coolbeans.
    ~m

    Like

  2. It comes with the territory – you know this – we’ve discussed it many times. And yes, just keep writing and putting one word after another and it will come. Certainly there is a star up there shining for you – and many words that will flow from your pen and put the shine into another’s heart and mind. It’s a circle hon, and we are both on it.
    Sometimes it turns slowly but it always turns, even if you don’t feel it.

    Annie (your almost sistah) 😉

    I’ve never liked this time of the year.
    I think I got that from my mother.
    Creatively, I just feel yucky. Nothing jazzes me, ya know?
    Ah, well, pitchers and catchers report for spring training in a few weeks.
    There’s always hope…
    ~m

    Like

  3. Does this happen every February? Maybe you should plan to take a cruise (or get away somehow to somewhere different) next February.
    I don’t understand the train thing. Is there a different train you could take that doesn’t make stops? Or would you rather drive your own vehicle – into Boston, right?

    I enjoy your blog.

    Thanks, Lolly.
    The train thing is a bit confusing. I buy a monthly pass so driving in is out of the question (unaffordable, as well)
    There are no trains that go directly to my destination. Express trains are fine (less stops) but this 5:30 train isn’t.
    But I don’t feel like waiting around for 45 minutes for the next one. Ah, could be worse I guess.
    And yes, this happens every February…
    A trip sounds good if I could just hit the damn lottery.
    ~m

    Like

  4. February is the loneliest month of the year! I find you write real well even if you think you’re not. Sometimes we all need a coffee break, time to sit back and wonder, or ponder….take stock. We all have times in our lives when we question our very existence, our raison d’etre…..maybe not ours to question. Just one day at a time.
    When Stephen King had difficulty,he would lock himself in a room without windows, sit at his typewriter, blast Metallica,,snort a few lines…case of 24 beers by his side and write! I’m not suggesting you do what he did! Do you notice his writing went downhill when he cleaned up his act?
    We can’t always be creative…give yourself a break! Our mind needs to refuel sometimes…

    Same thing happened to James Taylor. His finest work was written when he was messed up (even though I still like much of what he does today, it’s not the same)
    One day at a time? Absolutely.
    ~m

    Like

  5. Each word is a step and a journey of a thousand miles means you have to keep taking a lot of steps.

    i usually feel like that in January. Hence my lack of posts. Bah.

    I think ‘Bah’ is a very good way to think about it.
    ~m

    Like

  6. You make me wanna hit you man…you start off by saying how your in a february funk – which by the way I’ve realised as soon as I read it that I’ve been in since December 🙂 – and then proceed to write a post that i’d have to think about for a week to get out…grrr!
    Great post mate 🙂
    Kelly

    Thanks, Kel. This was just boredom on the train.
    Strange, huh?
    The edit before it hits the blog definitely helps out as well.
    ~m

    Like

  7. “My words presently feel as predictable as the names of the numerous train stops I’ve committed to my long term memory.”

    Yep, that’s about as uncreative as it gets…..

    And still, I hear you, we all have moments like that. For me it’s mostly a reminder to get off my butt and doing something as far away from writing as possible.

    One thing I think we have to remember that just because
    we know ourselves inside out, have thought the same thought, dreamt the same dream before, our readers haven’t and so what might seem regurgitated (don’t quote me on spelling, it’s the thing cows do…. 🙂 ) to us, it might be a new door for others…..

    That’s a very good point, SP. What seems mundane and ordinary might thrill the reader.
    I like that you used ‘regurgitate’ in a comment of mine.
    I refer to freewriting as “puking on the page”. Nice, huh? 😉
    ~m

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s