The first song that appeared on my Nano tonight was “Angel”, a tune by a band called Grey Eyed Glances (IMHO, a great name).
I found it subtly apropos considering a conversation I previously had at work with Mr. Smith. He was talking about a poem he’d written about a dream he had regarding angels. I began thinking about the possibility of an angel in my life and my beliefs regarding his/her presence.
For me, the word ‘angel’ conjures up an image both frightening and consoling, a bizarre celestial sort of juxtaposition.
I’ve had numerous circumstances occur in my life with endings that were not only surprising but mystically miraculous.
Defying explanation, I’ve come to believe I have someone watching over me
(besides my wife), a powerful and unseen force that has pulled my sorry ass out of more desperate situations than I care to remember.
This angel, if you will, has touched me in more gentle ways as well.
I’ve always been a firm believer in the spiritual world, a sacred dimension solely dependent upon faith; chance, luck, destiny or whatever you choose to call it never really enters the equation.
I have no logical explanation as to why many of these things have happened as they did and chalk it up to the undeniable fact that I’m driving an innocent angel insane 24/7…or not.
Maybe I’m just one of the many lunatics they have to take care of.
Here are a few moments that to this day I can’t rationally explain:
When Sarah was a baby I took care of her during the days. My wife was working full time and I was playing with the band on weeknights and weekends. This particular day Sarah launched into a crying jag like I’d never seen. I tried to burp her, bounce her, play music for her, sing to her, make goofy faces (ok, I admit that that wasn’t a great idea), rock her, nothing was working.
On a whim, I drove out to my mother’s house thinking she could do something to stop the crying. My mother held my wailing daughter for a few moments and suggested that I lay her down upstairs in the crib set up in my sister’s room.
Maybe she just needs a change of scenery to fall asleep, she said.
At that point, I was ready to try just about anything if it would just stop her from crying.
She cried all the way up the stairs and harder when I laid her in the crib.
I was at the proverbial end of my rope and about to scream when I heard someone behind me whisper, “Shhhh, shhhh,” a soft and soothing ‘there, there’ kind of sound.
I turned around expecting to see my mother and found an empty room.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up when I turned back and realized that Sarah had stopped crying and was now fast asleep.
I know deep in my heart that for a moment, I wasn’t alone in that room.
But who was with me, I just can’t say.
It was a Saturday morning many years ago and I was on my way to a wedding gig north of Boston. It was January and it had snowed heavily the night before.
A very busy Route 128 was snow packed and slippery.
I should mention that 128 is a four-lane Freddy Krueger-like nightmare during the day as well as at night and the tires on my van were slippery as baby seals coated in oil.
The van suddenly went into a skid, followed by a really cool ‘Fear Factor‘ 360 degree turn (maybe it was a spin).
The van was never touched and hit absolutely nothing, a mathematical impossibility.
After checking the seat of my trousers for the contents of my lower G.I. tract ( and thankfully finding nothing), I continued on to the facility where I played the wedding—ecstatic to have the opportunity to play the ‘Electric Slide’ just one more time.
There are many more stories to relate but I’ll stop here for now.
This is bigger than me; it’s bigger than all of us, in my opinion.
I think as human beings, we try to rationalize our experiences if only to make them more understandable and earthly.
Maybe that’s a part of what makes us human.
I’ve chalked up many of these happenings to a benevolent and invisible force in my life, an archangel that has somehow kept me safe all these years.
This angel must scratch his/her halo and say, “God, does this kid ever stop?!”
To which God replies, “Just keep an eye on him, alright? He’s got a lot more work to do for me and he’s a musician.”
This angel must be very busy.