Trilogy in Crimson (part I)


Today I was thinking about some of life’s little mishaps.
Things like absentmindedly leaving a back window open before suddenly realizing you’re knee-deep into the ‘Soak’ cycle at the local carwash or you pay for gas and then drive off before pumping it into your tank; you know, the insignificant “I can’t believe I just did that” moments.

We all have more than a few stories to tell, don’t we?

If you don’t, you ain’t human, Jack.

I’ve three sordid little tales in mind.
Not all the stories here involve yours truly but they’re funny nonetheless.
Without further ado, here’s numero uno…


Many years ago, I was playing a wedding at a very prestigious country club in the area.
The band I was in at the time had played a nightclub into the wee hours of the morning the night before and we all got to the function a tad late, in the throes of an exquisite katzenjammer, smothered in justifiable lethargy.
We set up in a flash and checked our equipment which worked fine.
I headed to the member’s locker room to do a quick change into my tuxedo.
On my way downstairs, I saw the bride’s limo pull up just to add to the sense of urgency.
We were on in approximately ten minutes leaving me just enough time to change, grab a Heineken, and take my place behind the keyboards.

(It’s important to note that I stand when I play a function; easier to play, easier to sing.)

The set went off without a hitch. We brought the wedding party in and it was all good.
I did notice something strange though: many couples dancing in front of me would smile and laugh before waltzing by.
A common occurrence, I thought, it is a wedding and people are supposed to be happy. This happened several times during the set and I just smiled and kept on playing.
It wasn’t until the set was over and I was walking to the band table for dinner that I noticed my fly was down and the bottom of my tux shirt was jutting out like white rabbit’s ears, the shadow of my white-hooded Johnson.

Oh, great, Michael, just great.

How many people noticed?

And how many people decided not to tell me for my obvious entertainment value?

I’m probably on someone’s wedding video as well, preserved for all eternity.

“Oh, you gotta see the video! The keyboard player went through the entire first set with his fly down! It’s hysterical!”

Worst of all was the ultimate understanding of that ‘devil-may-care’ look from the bride’s 80 year old grandmother.
Yeah, she was warm for my form. (right…)

Parts II & III will be posted as soon as I write them.
Trust me, they’re already in my head…



8 thoughts on “Trilogy in Crimson (part I)

  1. Michael–I love it. Not just covertly unzipped, but “here I am!” unzipped. But just think–it’s a great story!

    Yeah, I think my shirt tail may have been waving to the people passing by.
    Sheesh, I hate when clothes do that.
    Shoulda gone with the black shirt…



  2. lots of men do animal impersonations michael…just not in public 🙂
    and thanks for the advise about not spitting on the keyboard….very useful as i read this post…

    I do this thing with a goat and an onion.
    I guess it’s geared for a more mature audience… lol



  3. This ranks right up there M… almost as good as the story of Pam and the riding around the parking lot with you in laws and young daughter at the mall….and the guy taking the parking space! That sounds like a post in itself

    Stupid Blastoad…



  4. Funny that I read this today….I had an “I can’t believe I just did that” moment today.

    I walked out of the office today (the last one to leave) and like a good employee I made sure everything was locked up tight. As soon as I shut the last door (locks automatically) I realized my house keys were in there!! Everyone gone….no way back in 💡

    *already replied on last comment!


  5. oops…. forgot to finish the story :yoiks: Anyway…good news is… I had the car keys…so I drove to our main office to see if anyone there had a key but by then, anyone with a key had already gone home :yoiks: The other good news is….one of our employees’ husband works in our building and had a key so I drove back and he let me in….

    Does that qualify for an “I can’t believe I just did that” moment? LOL

    It does qualify.
    Congrats on your inefficiency . . . :laugh:


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