In my closet I have all of my rejection/acceptance slips adorning the walls.
I save each and every one of them.
The rejections far outweigh the acceptance slips but I like knowing where it is that I’ve come from in terms of my writing.
The other day I received another “pinky” from a publication where I’ve submitted numerous stories. I thought that today in the spirit of negativity that I would post a line by line personal reply to their sterile and apathetic rejection letter.
I’m not really bitter about this as much as I am disappointed.
Sadly, I’ve gotten very used to the idea of rejection simply because it goes with the territory.
A short hand written note saying ‘this is why we rejected you’ would be such a great help.
As Steven Tyler of Aerosmith says, “Dream on.”
FYI- the piece I submitted had been written, re-written and edited for a little over a year. With that said, here’s looking at “pinky”…
(my responses are in boldface)
Thanks for sending us your
work internal organ, but it’s not right for our publication.
I knew sending in a hunk of my pancreas along with my story was going to be overkill.
This isn’t a reflection on your writing…
Jeepers Creepers, I hope not.
You guys had me scared there for a minute.
Give me a clue.
Does it have anything to do with my elevated triglyceride count?
We pick perhaps one out of a hundred submissions, and the selection process is highly subjective, something of a mystery even to us.
Wow. What a frickin’ surprise.
You guys already have me thinking that this can’t end well.
There’s no telling what we’ll fall in love with, what we’ll let get away.
Just say it. You don’t love me anymore. That it?
Just like all the other editors I’ve submitted myself to. I feel so cheap.
We rarely respond personally to submissions…
Another fn’ surprise.
And here I was expecting flowers and a box of chocolates.
…as the number of manuscripts we receive makes this difficult.
Boo-hoo, I’ve got little tiny tears in my eyes. See?
We’re aware that writing is hard work, and that writers merit some acknowledgement.
But just not today…
A form letter doesn’t speak to that need.
Please know, however, that we’ve read your work, and appreciate your interest in the magazine.
Oh, now I feel much, much better. Thanks.
And I wasn’t interested so much in the magazine as I was in the moolah, if you get my drift.
We wish you the best in placing your writing elsewhere.
I’ve got just the place already picked out. Ready?
Bend over and take a deep breath, this will only take a minute…it’s a small manuscript.
And the ultimate killer truth:
P.S. We’ve returned your work if sufficient postage was included. If not, we assumed we could recycle it.
Here’s my free tip to you granola-eating, tree-hugging hippie bastards:
There, I feel better already.
Special props to my bud, Annie, the inspiration behind this post.
You’re the bomb, AMR…