Pam’s Promises

There’s a candy on the market right now called “Dove Promises”, a decent piece of chocolate wrapped in colorful tin-foil. On the inside foil of every piece there’s a queer aphorism intended, I guess, to make you feel special and unique.

Here are a few of the priceless quotes:

 

“Go to your special place.”

“Dance like no one’s watching.”

“Write someone a love letter.”

“It’s definitely bubble-bath day.” (my personal favorite)

“Age is nothing but a number.”

“Hey, why not?” (as in, hey why not have another one fatso)

“Smile before you go to bed.” (and hopefully you’re not in front of a mirror, bucknaked)

“Watch reruns, they replay your memories.” (I just gagged. Could you hear it?)

 

I have to credit my wife with the idea for this post. She purchased a bag of these chocolates and started spouting off her own list of axiom’s that had me laughing out loud. Sometimes she’s a really funny woman.

So, instead of “Dove Promises”, without further ado, I give you my wife’s idea for a new fangled confection called “Pam’s Promises”.
Here’s some of the whacky wisdom you may find lovingly etched inside the wrapper of your candy:

 

“Congratulations! You just consumed 40 calories in less than 5 seconds!”

“Have another one, Tubby.”

“Next Stop: uncontainable diarrhea.”

“Why don’t you just change your name to Threechins?”

“It’s definitely time for a Big-Top Smock.”

“Aren’t you done yet?”

“Hey! XXL Sweatpants are on sale at Target. Better go buy some.”

“Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.”

“Your ass just crossed the state line and you haven’t even left the couch yet.” (alright, I had to make up at least one)

 

I told her years ago, “Come over to the dark side, we have cookies.”

I think she just took a small step in that very direction.

 

~m

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5 thoughts on “Pam’s Promises

  1. Pam's are hilarious. I love Dove chocolate. It is soo yummy. And some of the little messages are cute, but I seem to get the same one's over and over.

    And, when I do read them, my negative self-talk kicks in and I have some cynical comeback. I will have to get a bag of those puppies and write down what comes to mind!

    Carn-
    I think my wife was really reffering to the Dove chocolate's addictive quality.
    Seems you just can't stop eating them.
    My wife doesn't eat this stuff alot but gets the "guilties" when she does prompting her funny comments.
    Grab a bag and make some stuff up. Just make sure you share…
    😉

    ~michael 

    Like

  2. Your wife has the right idea.I have one from a few years back that says "To accomplish great things, one must not only act, but dream."

    It should say, "To accomplish great things, you should start by getting off your ass and not eating this chocolate!"

    Love the new look! Stylin'

    Shannon-

    My wife would agree with 100%.
    Thanks for stopping by.

    ~Michael 

    Like

  3. Hey I got that " Come over to the Dark Side We Have Cookies
    on a bumper sticker on my car 😛 Along with one that says
    Keep Honking I'm Reloading 🙂

    I like the 'reloading' sticker.
    A little bit country, a little bit city slicker…

    ~m 

    Like

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