House (and my impending mid-life crisis)

I was trying to think of something different to post about.
Sometimes the well is just dry.
I did have a few things I was thinking about.
It was 21 years ago tomorrow that my wife and I spent our first night in this old house.
So many things have happened since then; some wonderful while others not so wonderful. But we’re still here in this place I warmly think of as my own personal Money Pit. But it’s ours…for right now.
I still remember my wife’s reaction during her first visit to the “new” house—sans furniture. She stood in what’s now the living room and watched me painting the ceiling.
There was this strange silence as she slowly scanned the bare walls and uncovered hardwood floors.
I can always tell when she’s about to cry because her nose does this unique little wrinkly thing and it’s usually not long after that the rain begins to fall.
She started crying and simply said three words that made me weak in the knees: I hate it.
I could only think of two words: Oh, shit.
What do you say to a woman on the verge of losing every single one of her emotional marbles?
Ultimately, everything worked out and we’re still here and filling the place with memories on a daily basis.

The other thought on my mind is a bit more intangible, but maybe it’s not the right venue for the blog. Essentially, it involves my own personal destiny and place in the world and the life in which I live.
I envy people that possess that clear sense of purpose.
They just seem to know. Or do they?
For me, the answers I seek are like elusive obsidian butterflies, impossibilities and incongruities that weave their way in and out of the tapestry of my days.
I wish there were some celestial hotline: “for personal destiny, press 4, for lottery inquiries, press 777 and good luck…”

What was I put here on earth to do?

Why do some days seem so desperately incalculable and unending?

Am I suicidal?
Please. No reservations have been made at the Chateau Eternity for me yet.

Am I depressed?
I say no, but my heart says something very different. It’s still in search of something I can’t quite figure out.

So I write. And write. And write.
Praying that in the process, I’ll discover that I’ve had the answers inside me all along.

Then again, maybe it’s just the rumblings of my impending mid-life crisis.
Lord knows, I deserve one but I’ve yet to feel the hankering for a brand new Porsche and a 20-something blonde bombshell…



5 thoughts on “House (and my impending mid-life crisis)

  1. I don’t know, I’ve never known, I suspect I will never know my purpose. It’s frustrating. I feel like I’m treading water. I’d like the number for the celestial hotline if you get it.


  2. I thought you were supposed to try to figure out your destiny and what you wanted out of life during your college and highschool years. When you get out in the real world and where you go from there is your destiny. If your looking for a higher purpose. Look inside your heart, go to church, and start reading the Bible. Maybe you should stop worring so much and just live life as it comes to you.
    PS: If there was a celestial hotline you would know but you would never get through because everyone in the world would be calling.


  3. Oh, and I chose to comment on this post because this is where it is at for me, too, on a daily basis. I think midlife crisis is about neither the car nor the blonde but the open road both promise. And I need some road right now.


  4. Well, you already have the blonde bombshell and it’s just as well she’s not 20…she’d bloody kill you now!!
    If I can crack it for 50 mil, then you’ll have the Porsche to take her for a spin in, whether you want it or not too!
    As to the other, well I’m not sure I agree that some people possess a clear sense of purpose, but I think they believe they do.
    Essentially {almost} everyone does the same thing. They live their life the best they can, in the best way they know how.
    It’s just what humans do….besides, I kind of like winging it a little.
    Gives me that windswept and interesting aura I think!

    Still working on my mid-life crisis plan, truth be told.
    May be able to finalize the plans this summer . . . :laugh:


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