Can you hear me now?

Modern day technology has given us some astonishing things: the ability to electronically chat with someone over two thousand miles away (thanks to IM), PDA’s that fit in the palm and possess 20 times the memory that the home PC had only 20 years ago.
There’s Broadband and DSL, 56K and Cable access for modems, Hi-Def and Plasma TV’s thinner than a box of chocolates. We can rip CD’s and fit 40 gigs of music on the Apple IPod. After all these wonderful advances in communication and entertainment we’ve yet to stumble upon a way to be judicious in our abuse and sometimes abhorrent use of the common cell phone.
We use it in the car, in the library, while we’re running on the treadmill, on the elevator and inexcusably in church. But the cell phone wasn’t irritating enough for those zany, fun loving folks at Nextel. They came out with a walkie-talkie that now allows us to listen to not only one side of an abysmal conversation but two. And—we have that nauseating ‘Nextel gets it done’ bleep to deal with as well. Someone please bleepin’shoot me.
I think we should all start actively participating in these inane conversations just to annoy the user. Why not? If you’re repulsive enough to discuss your irritable bowel syndrome bugaboo with a close friend and you’re within my hearing range, please, please, please let me get my two cents worth in.

I recently saw a comedian that wanted to organize a crusade for the passage of a law requiring anyone foolish enough to have a tête-à-tête in public to wear a phone booth on their head. Obviously, there would be space restrictions to consider so let’s make it simple—to make a call in public you must hold both hands above your head and we, the annoyed public, will be allowed, maybe even encouraged, to poke you with sharp metal objects until you are finished with your call. Perhaps then you’ll get the point.
And maybe it’s just me but those new Pepsi commercials are really starting to get on my nerves too…
© michaelm 2005


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